About Us: Adoptexas Adoption Agency

The Bridge

“The complete answer to why and how this adoption agency was started.”

I was seven, the youngest of three girls. They were so sweet, loving and attentive but as they drove away from my parents’ little home in Oak Cliff, a lower middle-class Dallas neighborhood of hard-working families, a sadness seemed to show in their faces which I also sensed in their spirits. They were a childless couple who were close friends of my parents from our church family. Deep within me, there was a yearning to fix that sad place that somehow, I knew came from having no children. How would a seven-year-old perceive these things? I can’t explain; all I know is that I still have that instinct and desire embedded in my very soul. A knowing and a seeing in the spirit that can only be put there by God.

My precious family

There was actually more than one childless couple from our church who were friends of our parents. Each week, when I would see them at church, I would see that sadness in their eyes as they would talk to me and show such care for me and my sisters.; stopping to kneel down and talk with me as If what I had to say was the most important thing in the world to them. I often thought, “They would be nice to have as a Mommy and Daddy. They are sweet like my parents are, I wish they had children to love.”

Then the answer came in the big box with a screen and tubes in the back that had to warm up before the screen would come to life. My dad watched news clips of the air and ground battles of the war along with political campaign news;, My sisters and I would watch Kukla, Fran & Ollie and Rin Tin Tin. Yes, I am that old.

It was a hot summer day and our mom called us in to cool off and eat lunch. We turned on the television and a movie was on, “Blossoms in the Dust”. Such a nice lady with a little hat and gloves on making couples happy. It was like the curtains had been pulled away from a window and I saw the way to heal and fill those voids in my parent’s friend’s lives. It was the story of Edna Gladney, who started the Edna Gladney home and adoption agency in Fort Worth. I was so excited and wanted to tell them but knew that was not any of my business.

As time passed in my life and I grew to a young woman, that memory was always there though I wasn’t conscious of it when planning my future. In fact, my future just rolled out in front of me in spite of stupid decisions I made and my irresponsible behavior. It was as if God set my feet on this path when I was a little child and I would never be able to deviate no matter what I did; though I can never recall making a statement specifically that I wanted to be an adoption worker. God just wouldn’t have it any other way.

As a young woman, in high school and college; I always cared more for people and hearing their problems than learning about numbers, science, government or history. It was the 70’s and Sociology was of great interest to me. After graduation from Loma Linda University with a Bachelors in Sociology, I began to work for the Department of Protective Services. There was an opening in the adoption division in Houston, placing hard to place children from the CPS program into permanent adoptive homes over a thirteen-county area. It sounded interesting and positive.

I took the position and found it to be the hardest job I could ever imagine doing… Wow! I was totally unprepared for the difficulty of that process. So hard…children abused emotionally, physically, sexually, families hoping to heal those wounds and broken places in those children’s lives with love. Discouraged parents giving up and returning those children after they give all and the children don’t respond with anything but anger. You see, these children have had nothing but rejection their whole lives so they rationalize, “I will reject you before you can reject me, I won’t let myself be hurt again”.

After 5 years, I burned out. The wonderful hopeful idea of fulfilling dreams and making people happy had not worked out the way I envisioned. Adoption was the last thing I wanted to do. But what now, I couldn’t find a passion for sales, business or anything else.

I met Mills Duncan, August of 1978 when I was twenty-nine, just prior to leaving the Regional Adoption Division. Soon after meeting, Mills bought a building with investors and I would work at night with an adoptive father who was a professional painter whom I had met while working for the state. We did sheet rocking, running wiring and painting in the building at night, so I could bring in extra money.

Mills encouraged me to use my knowledge of adoption to help adoptive families in the adoption Agency who had just learned they would be unable to conceive, so they could understand what options were available. It would be a counseling service to provide adoption information and this is where the original name Adoption Information & Counseling Services came from. I would do counseling, bookkeeping and secretarial for a while for the building investment during the day and office suite ‘build out’ at night which continued for quite awhile until the adoption agency was able to support itself .

At the time, I went to talk to Dr. Veasy Buttram a well-known OB/GYN with Baylor College of Medicine, about the need for a service such as this. He was very excited about this option but quickly told me that if I did not do a good job, he would never refer anyone to me again and would let the other doctors know of his feelings.

Everything went well from the beginning and soon I was receiving referrals from many different sources. Infertility Network was started around this same time by some of the families I had counseled. The referrals however were not all couples with fertility complications; they were also women with an unplanned pregnancy. Realizing I was getting close to engaging in child placing; I contacted a person I knew in the Child Care Licensing division who informed me that to give a woman adoption advice was in fact a form of child placing and that I would need a license to continue.

This was new territory for me. At the time, there were only a handful of licensed adoption agencies in Texas and they were all funded by the government, United Way or large religious organizations. I was aware of only two other independent licensed agencies in Texas and they were operated by attorneys. At Mills’ encouragement, I set out on this journey having no expectations of success and only the desire to carry on my counseling service. Help came from different places and people, not monetarily but with information and advice. The Cullen family who was part owner in the aforementioned office building, allowed us to use office space in the building for the adoption agency free of charge.

Mills had bookkeeping skills and helped me set up the business end. In his wisdom, he was always adamant about not borrowing money or owing anyone anything which is a practice I follow today. When the paperwork was submitted to Licensing and I received the provisional license in June of 1981; I was speechless. Now what? It’s provisional; what does this mean? My licensing rep smilingly informed me that in order to receive a permanent license I would have to be able to be monitored as a child placing adoption agency ie. place children for adoption. Here it was again. I had not intended to actually place children for adoption again, but here it was in my lap.

At that time, I finally surrendered to God’s will for my life. He wanted me to place children in loving homes who would rear them to respect Him and have opportunities for productive lives.

Here it is 37 years later and so many top of the mountain highs and lowest of the valley lows. I have seen so much joy, pain, excitement, disappointment; the full range of emotions and many times all within the same hour. Sometimes it was difficult to tell if I was crying from joy or sadness. I have seen ultimate love, sacrifice, generosity, empathy, kindness, well, there are not enough adjectives to describe what all I have seen and experienced. Unfortunately, I have also seen the terrible side of human nature. But the good news is, I have seen more of the good than bad.

H. Mills Duncan III and Charlotte Duncan

Mills was always supportive emotionally of the agency’s work and ready with advice. He found the emotional roller coaster trying at times as well as the infringements on our private time whether interruptions at dinner or difficulty planning a vacation as babies will come when they are ready and not according to our schedules. Our son, Cullen gave up much also; with a mom who was on call all day and night. He spent many hours in hospitals waiting for me while I worked with a birthmom. He also, was unable to have vacations because of my unpredictable schedules. He learned early on the painful sacrifices people have to make in their lives. This has made him into a beautiful deep soul.

My reward is not monetary, it is in being a part of the process when it is done right and every person is respected and treated in the way that God expects us to treat each other. Adoption is a bridge, a bridge that links the birth and adoptive families’ hopes and dreams forever. That bridge should safely carry a child from the birth family into the adoptive family to provide that child with the life and opportunities those birthparents have made that ultimate sacrifice for. Adoption is based on the foundation of trust.; trust of me by birth and adoptive families and trust by me of them. If there is no trust there is no relationship.

I am so richly blessed that God has patiently guided me along this path and allowed me this tremendous privilege. Now as I receive updates whether through Facebook, email, mail or direct contact and see the many firsts of these children I have been blessed to be a part of their lives, I rejoice and my heart is so full. THIS is my family that God has given to me. This includes the birth families I have continued to love and celebrate successes with and grieve losses with. THIS is why I have been allowed to be here. To all the birth and adoptive families, I have worked with; I am humbled by your trust. Thank you and may God bless you in every aspect of your lives. Please pray for wisdom and that God’s hand will continue to guide this agency and place a protective covering over all of these families both birth and adoptive.