My Child's Feelings How will my child feel about me if I place them for adoption?
	If your child has had a happy life, is successful, and been properly parented, they will have positive feelings about their birth parents.
	Adoptexas adoptive families are educated and prepared to parent an adoptive child and reinforce a healthy attitude about their birth parents and their adoption.
	Adoptexas encourages Birth Parents to provide pictures of themselves and letters to their child which explain who they are and why they felt adoption was in their child's best interest.

ADOPTEXAS cares deeply about the children who through this agency, find their families. We maintain contact with them as well as the Birth and Adoptive Parents who we are blessed to be trusted to help with this process.

Every birthmother worries about how their child will feel about them and their decision. They are always worried that there will be anger at them and even fears that the child will hate them. They worry that the child is loved as much as they love them and has had a happy life. At the very least the birthmothers hope that their child is reared to understand that their decision is made out of love and concern for them being able to have a stable family. They are willing to sacrifice the joy of seeing them grow up in order for the child to become the best person they can be with the opportunities a loving adoptive family can give them and that they would give them if they could. It is the ultimate sacrifice that is viewed by many as a rejection instead. They deal with so many negative opinions that to hear from a child who openly speaks of their gratitude for that difficult decision really gives them peace. Read a young man's feelings in his own words:

"Greatest Unselfish Gift" by Daniel. When I was asked to write about my feelings about being adopted a lot of things went through my head. As a fifteen year old, my perspective on adoption is different than when I was very young. My feelings have changed as I change and grow.

There was never a specific moment that I remember when my parents informed me of my adoption. I have always just known about being adopted as a newborn. I was told how my birthmother carefully chose my family for me, so I believe it was her and God's will that this is where I belong. My mom tells me that the reason I do not remember "being told" is because it was talked about and sung to me as a baby, a toddler, etc. She told me how excited and happy everyone was when the call came that I was born and about all the things everyone did to get ready. My parents did a lot reading to me from special, loving adoption family books from the time I was a baby. It was something I always knew and treated as no big deal, some babies are born casarean, some birthed, some adopted, some not…My parents saved some special items from the adoption, like my hospital records with footprints, and I have the vanilla flavored pacifier from when my parents picked me up from the agency. Any questions or concerns I have were and are encouraged any time. One thing my mom has always said was there are no secrets in our family- certainly nothing about wonderful things like adoption. Be proud. Any secrets are unhealthy between family.

We have several people in our family who were adopted. My mom's older brother ( my uncle) was adopted as a baby, as well as three cousins on my mom's side. My grandfather still talks about the first time he held my uncle when he adopted him. My uncle is now 46 years old and has two daughters.

I feel strongly about my adoptive family's history and heritage, because it is my very own. There is no difference in my family between the adopted and not adopted in my family. I identify strongly with my gradfather, my mother's dad who is an Optometrist. Through elementary and middle school he let me work with him and watch him examine patients. From the day I was very first brought home, he came over every night after work to hold me and rock me for an hour or two before he went home. My mom says my grandmother used to call to say for him to come home and he would whisper, "Tell her I left already!" The way he felt about spending time with me, his first grandchild, still holds true today. We are extremely close and a lot alike in many ways. My grandmother was like me in that she was very interested in Theology studies and Judaic history. We had a unique bond that we shared, the two of us. When she passed just recently, she left me her complete Babylonian Talmud and bookcase that I built with my gradfather. My mother is my biggest advocate with school and has helped me accomplish many goals like being close to becoming an Eagle Scout and being successful in school and active in my synagogue. The way my family treats me, loves and helps me with everything equals family.

I sometimes think, just from curiosity, what life would be like if I remained with my birthmother . I will say that there have been times I have had negative things said to me from peers, or seen negative things about adoption on TV or movies. Just like with other situations of discrimination of any difference, it is ignorance. It still bothers me very much when a peer at school learns about my adoption, and ask inappropriate or highly personal questions about my birthmother. I have also been accused of lying several times about my adoption from peers because I very much look like my mom. So much so that pretty much whereever we go, people comment about it. My mom loves it, but it can get on my nerves like it would any teenage boy, adopted or not! some advice I would give to adoptive parents is to not try to shield and hide your adopted child from adoption negativity from others, media, books or movies. My mom did that to me because she did not want me to be exposed to people's stupidity- she used to provide commentary to me like in the movies, or a cartoon when a joke or anything bad was said about adoption. She told me it is because it gave her fear that it would entertain inaccurate thoughts in an adopted person's mind and make them feel bad about adoption. I told her that is how bad people gain control- by influencing naive impressionable people and I don't wish to be naive regarding any adoption views. How can I correct and inform others about adoption if I believe everyone has Disneyland views of it?

I also have to admit I once tried to use adoption as a way to get out of trouble with my mom. From not doing something that I was supposed to do and got caught. She was really mad at me, told me she was disappointed in my choices and I had my video games and Play station taken from me as punishment. I told her "If I am such a disappointment to you, you should give me back to the adoption agency."

Knowing how sensitive she is to that, I thought now maybe she will change her mind, and things will go better for me. So what happened? Well, after she finished laughing at my comment, she basically told me, " Nice try! It doesn't matter if I birthed you, adopted you, or you were hatched- you're my son. I love you enough that your choices equal consequences." Besides being very close with my family and sharing many of their traits and likenesses, I know I am placed exactly where I was meant to be. I love my family, and my family loves me. They are proud of me. I am who I am largely because of their commitment and influences on me. Clearly, God wants adoption to be a way families are designed because adoption is mentioned throughout the Bible. The Babylonian Talmud states that the one who raises the child is the one true parent. It says in Sanhedrin pg 19 Par. C of the Talmud "Was it then Naomi who bore him? Surely it was Ruth who bore him! But Ruth bore and Naomi brought him up: hence he was called after Naomi's name."

I guess I will sum up my article with a story I wrote when I was in elementary school. I wrote about my mom and said, " I found you through the clouds when I was a dove in God's pocket." She has that engraved on a charm that she wears around her neck. So that is why my nickname has been "Dove" since I was very young.